


What Was Lost

by orphan_account



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Domestic, F/M, Late at Night, M/M, Multi, mark deserves happiness okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22560973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It wasn't as if Mark wasn't used to losing things.
Relationships: Kieran/Cristina Rosales, Mark Blackthorn/Cristina Rosales, Mark Blackthorn/Kieran, Mark Blackthorn/Kieran/Cristina Rosales
Kudos: 49





	What Was Lost

**Author's Note:**

> post qoaad, pre twp. I can't stop writing kierarktina, can I?

It wasn't as if Mark wasn't used to loss. 

He'd lost his parents, his home, and his sister, not to mention all the times he'd thought he'd lost Kieran for good. And though Mark had come home, and Kieran had returned to him over and over, he still found himself wondering when he would lose everything else. 

The worst were the nights when he couldn't sleep, and there were many of those. 

His phone read 3:17a.m. The windows were dark, and the only sound in the room was Cristina's quiet, even breathing. 

Mark wondered when it would all fall apart. He wondered how he would survive when it did. 

Cristina shifted in his arms, drawing closer to him. He glanced at her, at the smooth skin of her shoulder where her camisole bared it, at her dark hair spread across their pillows, and felt panic rise in his throat. He knew it was only a matter of time before she left. Wasn't it? He just couldn't believe the beautiful girl sleeping in his arms  _ wouldn't  _ see him for exactly what he was and leave him.

It was only a matter of time. 

He got up as carefully as possible so as not to wake Cristina, unable to stay in their bedroom a second longer, reminded of everything he had to lose. 

He sat on the Institute's front steps, gasping for air as the sounds of the city raged on around him. New York, like Mark himself, never slept. 

He didn't know how long he'd been outside when the door opened, but his breathing had steadied. 

"Mark?" Cristina sat beside him, a hand on his shoulder. "What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep," he said, not untruthfully but certainly not truthfully. 

"You worried me." Cristina rested her head on his shoulder, no second thought to her affection. "I couldn't find you."

Mark put an arm around her, not able to say anything. Not trusting himself to say the right thing. 

Cristina raised her head to look at him, worry written all over her face. "Something's wrong," she said. "I can see it. You can tell me, you know."

Mark sighed, more from weariness than anything else. "I can't."

"You can, whatever it is. It must be important, to have you out here at four in the morning."

"I don't want to lose anything else," Mark said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I know I will, and the thought kills me."

"Oh, Mark." Cristina put her arms around him. "You must know that isn't true."

"But it is," Mark protested. "I'm constantly worrying when you'll realize what a mistake you made, all the reasons you shouldn't be with me. When I'll do or say the wrong thing and lose not just you but Kieran as well, when you'll both realize I'm not worth it. I am half faerie and I know what that means to Shadownhunters, I am half Shadowhunter and I know what that means to faeries. How could either of you possibly want me?"

"Because we love you." Cristina's voice was strong and determined; she spoke with absolute conviction. "I don't care if you're faerie or Shadowhunter or anything else because you're  _ you _ , and I love you as you are. Kieran wanted to give up the throne to be with us. Does that not speak of how much he loves you? I am more Shadowhunter than you are by blood, and I don't doubt that he loves me. He loves you as I do. No matter what you are."

Mark pressed closer to Cristina, her arms steady around him. There were promises in her words, in the steadfast way she held him--promises of love, of commitment, of faith. Her would promise both her and Kieran the same things a thousand times over. 

Words and strength were not enough to undo years of nightmares, years of shattered hearts and broken trust. They understood that. 

But at that moment, on the steps of the Institute, it was enough. When they went back to bed, Cristina held Mark close and he fell asleep against her, trusting her promises if not his own mind. 

It was enough, right then.


End file.
